Tuesday Love Letter

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"How Do I Get My XXX To Pray?"; 28 July 2020

Selasa, 01 Agustus 2023

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Assalammualaikum Ladies,

Last week, I was on a call with some of my girlfriends when one of them suddenly blurted out, "guys, how do I get my husband to pray? I've tried everything, but now it just seems like I'm nagging when Allah knows I only have his best interest at heart!" Her loaded question opened up a whole new thread for our conversation and as everyone started sharing "tips" and "advises", I listened intently as this one question has not only troubled my girlfriend but unfortunately, so many other Sisters as well. Every other day, I'll receive emails and DMs asking me a variation of the same question of how does one get a loved one to come back to His path.

This topic is very dear to me. Because I am sure I was once the person whom my parents / friends would ask this question for.

"How do we get Aida to come back to Him?"

And I can tell you right away that none of my loved ones ever forced the religion on to me. Neither did they nagged. Nor did they give up. And I am incredibly grateful for that because doing Dawa' to your loved ones is the hardest.

Photo by ain murad on Unsplash

But here are some things I've found helpful to remember whenever we are inviting our loved ones to the Deen.

1) Dawa' = Invitation

Dawa' ≠ Force / Nagging / Threaten

At the very core of it all, we have to understand that the act of Dawa' is one that invites people to Islam. This should already tell us that it's a deed that requires compassion, gentleness and kindness at the core of it. So if we are doing everything but that, then there's a danger that we might actually be making our loved ones go further away from Him. A good question to always ask: "if someone else were to come to me doing the same thing that I'm doing to (insert loved one here), would I be more drawn to Islam or would it drive me away instead?"

2) Be the best (insert your role here) you can be to your loved one first

The best form of Dawa' is through our character, so strive to be the best wife / sister / mother / friend to your loved one first. When our mannerisms, speech and personality are brimming with love and good-naturedness, (as we should be, as we are the Ummah of Rasulullah SAW ❤️), only then will our loved one feel "safe" and comfortable around ua. When I say "safe", I mean he / she is safe from judgement from you. A lot of us are guilty of being highly judgemental to our loved ones, and this is not a good place to be when you are trying to share the beauty of the Deen. Islam has no room for a "holier-than-thou attitude" because we are all sinners - we just sin differently.

3) Do not set a "deadline"

This is one of the biggest mistakes that we make when we are trying to call our loved ones back to His path. When we set a "deadline", i.e. place a time limit as to when he / she should start practising this faith, we are forgetting that everything in this Universe follows Allah's time, not ours. What's worse is that when we get closer to approaching the "deadline" that we arrogantly set, still not seeing any significant difference in our loved one, we start pressuring him / her, or worse, we completely give up altogether. Also, remember this: Rasulullah SAW, who is the best man ever lived, the most kind, the most gentle, the most fitting and equipped to do Dawa, took 23 years to finish his mission. Who are we to think that we can even come close to doing what he SAW did in a span of a month?

4) To Note: Time / Place / Tone / Vibe

Being aware of these 4 things - timing, location, tone, and "vibe" / "energy" of a situation - is extremely crucial when you are planning to share more about the Deen. I'm a huge believer that there is a time and place for everything and this is especially true when it comes to Dawa'. Do not bring it up when your loved one is hungry (hangry is a thing, guys), exhausted, stressed, upset, worried. Do not bring it up when you are in public or in a social gathering. Watch the tone always - are you being preachy? Insensitive? Pushy? As a wife / mother / sister / friend, we should be able to know when will be the best time to gently have a discussion about this.

3 extra tips:

A: recite the Dua that Prophet Musa AS said before he spoke to Firaun before speaking to your loved one!

B: Figure out which aspect of the Deen will "attract" your loved one more. Some of us are drawn more towards Stories of the Prophets and Companions, others lean towards logic and science - everyone is different. Whatever it is, Islam is a faith that is whole and perfect, so there are bound to be something that your loved one will be interested in. Start there!

C: Keep on seeking Knowledge. We won't be able to share the beauty of the Deen if we don't even know it ourselves! Read up, learn more, go to Classes, find knowledgeable teachers! When you equip yourself with more knowledge, you will then be more prepared to answer questions your loved ones might have about the faith too.

5) Be OK with not being their "Bridge"

Often times, doing dawa' to your loved ones is not only a test of our patience. But it is also a test of our sincerity. I've learned that, sometimes, Allah has not willed that you be the catalyst, or the bridge that helps your loved ones return to His path, AND THAT IS OK. For example, you may have been trying to share with your sister about the Deen for years but your efforts have been futile. And then one day, a friend of hers simply shared the very same thing you've been trying to share for years, but her sharing had a more positive effect on your Sister than yours - that only means that friend of hers is the one chosen by Allah to be your Sister's bridge, and that is amazing! We have to put aside our ego when it comes to Da'wa with our loved ones which is why I always make the Dua, "Ya Allah, please use me to be the person who can help bring XYZ closer to You, but if that is not what You have willed, then please send XYZ other beautiful companions to take on that role. And You know best, Ya Rabb."

6) Dua for them. In Secret. In the still of the night.

Which brings me to this all-important point: make a looooooooooooooooooooot of Dua for your loved one. I cannot stress this enough. Rasulullah SAW would stay up all night praying for us, for his Ummah, because he was worried for us and the state of our hearts and our faith. So follow his Sunnah, SAW. If you are concerned for a loved one, make Dua for them, constantly, secretly. And especially in the third of the night, in Tahajjud, as Imam Shafi'i said, "a dua made at Tahajjud is like an arrow that never misses its target."

7) Ally yourself with Allah

I saved the most important point for last. We have to understand that the hearts of your loved ones belong solely to Allah SWT, therefore He is the only One who can completely soften and change the state of their hearts. I know of someone who would wake up every night to pray for her beloved husband for 7 years and counting. When her father in law found out that his son wasn't praying, he asked her, "why didn't you tell us?". Hearing this, she just smiled and answered, "I tell Allah. Everyday."

For her, Allah SWT is her al-Wali, her Ally, her protecting Friend. Which is why she has been able to find the strength to continue praying for her husband all these years.

One of my teachers taught me that when you "empower" yourself with just yourself, you "empower" yourself with nothing. Because we are flawed and weak ourselves. But when we empower ourselves with Allah SWT, then we empower ourselves with the Greatest! As Allah is al-Malik (the Supreme King), and al-Aziz (the All Mighty).

So lean on to Him when the going gets tough. Fill your own hearts with the remembrance of Him so that you can pour love and light to your loved ones. Because without Him, you are just running on empty.

Ladies, the truth is, even Allah's beloved Prophets (may Allah bless them all) struggle with their families and their loved ones when it comes to inviting them to the Deen. Prophet Ibrahim AS struggled with his father, Prophet Nuh AS with his son, and Rasulullah SAW too with his Uncle. But they didn't give up, and tried their hardest till the end.

And so should we.

Because if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want your loved ones to try and pray for you till the end as well? :)

Love and prayers always,

Kamis, 25 Mei 2023

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Foto oleh Miriam Alonso

Assalammualaikum Ladies,

One of the mornings last week, I woke up with a sudden jolt from the alarm that was blaring. It was either coming from K’s phone or mine and K, almost intuitively, “snoozed” the alarm and went back straight to sleep. So did I.

This pattern then repeated itself, with K and I taking turns to flick the almost desperate cries of the alarms off. Before we knew it, an hour has elapsed, and thus it began: our frantic morning.

Unfortunately, this scenario is not just a one-off event, and from speaking to some of my closest ones, it’s something that a lot of us struggle with: this negotiation process that you have within yourself, the all too familiar “just 5 minutes more” tug of war between your good conscience and your cheekier counterpart.

The funny (or sad?) thing is, we actually know that we will be hitting those “snooze” buttons, which is why we often set our alarms every 5 minutes, like this:

This is my 'actual' alarms look like on my phone 😉

Regretting the hour that I've just wasted, I sat silently while eating my breakfast and wondered about this far-fetched idea of anyone ever being able to just spring or jump out of bed. "Doesn't this just happen in the overly orchestrated morning routine YouTube videos or self-help books?", I asked out loud. And within a split second, Allah placed something in my heart which reminded me of the time where I actually did roll out of bed without the need of an alarm. The times where I actually took extra care to make sure I got my sacred one on one time with Him. The times where I felt excited to sit at my desk and just, write. The times where I use the blessed hours of the morning not being on my phone, but to just... be.

But what happened?

I could give a million reasons, and "snooze" my way out of this too, but who am I kidding? I know that these "reasons" are just excuses, as the truth of the matter is I've just been lazy, and laziness is a disease of the heart.

With that realisation, I exhaled sharply and made the intention to begin and seize my day. I wanted to acknowledge this deafening "alarm" that Allah has sent me this morning, the one that reminded me of my laziness, and I made a promise to myself to not live my life in a slumber anymore.

Lucky for us, our Rabb knows just how sorely we need constant "signs" and "reminders" like the ones I just had so that we can be, and do, better. He will continue to send us regular and periodic "alerts" to snap us out of heedlessness and oblivion out of His Love for us.

But...

If we have been stubbornly "snoozing" His alarms, then chances are, we will not only be wasting hours and hours of our lives "sleeping", but far worse than that, on the Day of Reckoning when we are finally awakened and summoned out of our graves, that frantic panic we will feel will be a million times worse than the frantic morning I just had.

And I pray none of us will ever be in that state.

With every reminder or alarm that Allah sends us, it should stir something in us to promptly spring into action. And it's that immediacy in taking action that will actually ensure us to win in this life and the next, In Sha Allah. Because like they say, "when you snooze, you lose."

One of the best stories that I can share with you about the power of taking immediate action upon Allah evoking something in our hearts, is of Sayyidina Umar RA (and it's one of my personal favourites). His conversion story is a beautiful one, so if you have time, please do read up about it - but here's the gist:

Before Sayyidina Umar RA embraced Islam, he was actually against Rasulullah SAW and had a deep hatred for the message that Rasulullah was trying to spread. He was even on his way to kill Rasulullah SAW when he ran into Na'im ibn Abdullah, who upon knowing Sayyidina Umar RA's intention, said to him, “By Allah, you have been overcome with anger to the extent that you cannot think properly. Oh Umar! Do you think Banu Abd-Manaf will let you remain on this earth if you kill Muhammed?! Why do you not return to your family and arrange your own affairs instead?”

So Sayyidina Umar asked, “What is the matter with my family?”

Na’im ibn Abdullah said, “Your sister’s husband, i.e. your brother-in-law, the son of your uncle Said ibn Zayd, and your sister Fatima, by Allah, they have embraced Islam and they follow Muhammed and his religion.”

Fuming, and feeling extremely betrayed (because he loves his sister a whole lot!), he stormed to his sister's home and upon entering, heard the recitation of the Quran.

He then asked his sister and her husband Said ibn Zaid RA, “Have you left the faith of your forefathers?” And enraged, he then began attacking his sister and her husband. But when he saw the blood on her sister because of the hurt he had inflicted, he began feeling guilty. He then apologized to his sister and requested to read the words of the Qur’an. His sister then told him to clean himself (as he was going to read the sacred words of God!) and when he was reading the first few verses of Surah Taha, calm descended upon him, and Islam began to enter his heart.

When that happened, Sayyidina Umar RA immediately went to Rasulullah SAW, but now with a grander intention of proclaiming his faith to Islam, instead of his initial plan of actually killing Rasulullah SAW. What a complete 180!

The immediacy that Sayyidina Umar RA had, upon receiving this "alarm" or this reminder from Allah when He first read the verses from Surah Taha, is what inspires me. Imagine if he were to take his time to embrace Islam (i.e. "snoozed")?

I pray that may we lose the complacency of delaying our intentions of coming back to Him. I pray that we recognise what immense blessing it is for Allah to consistently send us signs and reminders, because He does this from a place of Love, Mercy and Guidance. And I pray that may we not be from those who turn a blind eye to these signs, nor of the "snoozers", but of the winners, and the early risers, amin.

Love and prayers always,

Selasa, 16 Mei 2023

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Assalammualaikum Ladies,

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'll do if we ever close, or have to close, AA. I think it's due largely to the fact that some of the people around me have told me that they are either quitting their jobs, changing their roles, or even closing the 16-year old business that they've come to love and cherish. And it affected me because whether we like it or not, we as a society have been led into thinking that what we do as a profession contributes a big part to our identity, and I relate to that because a huge part of what makes me Aida, is this work that I do.

One of the ladies on our AA Plus Community shared something super interesting in our Live Hangouts just last weekend. She said, "if you were to remove your job, and your family and friends, what are you left with? Who are you, outside these titles?" And that stumped me because I've always associated myself with my work; when someone asks me, "So Aida, tell me about yourself", the first thing I'll always say, sometimes shyly, sometimes with pride, "Oh! I'm a writer!"

So after days of trying to figure out what would I actually do if I cannot write for a living, the first thing that came to my mind was, "I'll clean."

I had a little laugh by myself about my answer, but after giving it a few deep thoughts about it, I realised that the act of cleaning, is not just merely dusting or rubbing off stains in a physical space, it's an act that, when done sincerely, have always led me back to Him.

I have always loved to clean. The first order of the day before I even sit down to start work will always be to wipe my desk and arrange my books and my accessories. I tell myself, "if you want to do honourable work, honour your working environment." When I'm particularly stressed about something, I'll clean. I'll sweep the floors of my home, I'll clean my windows, I'll wash dishes - and when I clean, I think. I process my thoughts. When I'm pressed for time and I have to choose between working out and cleaning, I'll clean, because I 100% believe cleaning is also another form of cardio lol. I'll also volunteer to clean my closest friends' rooms, because I love to see how happy they are when they walk into a neat and orderly home.

Basically, I'm useless in the kitchen, but I'm your girl when it comes to cleaning up.

And I've never questioned this love for cleaning or even gave it more than a second thought, but here I am, writing a Love Letter about it to you guys! And I think He has pulled me to do so because He wants me to understand what a blessing it is to be able to clean, as Rasulullah SAW said in a Hadith, "Cleanliness is half of faith (Iman)". (Muslim)

Think about this: before performing our Solah, we have to clean ourselves by doing Wudhu. And this act of cleansing ourselves have so much meaning and significance, if only we reflect. Allah wants us to meet Him in a purified state, and it is also Wudhu that will allow Rasulullah SAW to recognise us in the Day of Judgement because we will radiate light as an effect of our Wudhu. Rasulullah SAW said, "On the Day of Judgment, Allah (swt) will resurrect my nation among other nations while their faces are white and they are bright and this merit is one of the effects of their wudu". Now, this is what I call a real, literal, legit, "glow up" guys, and I pray that we will all have that radiance on that day, Amin.

Whenever I clean, I always feel like it's a spiritual exercise: as I put things back to its proper place, I realised this is teaching me Adab because Dr. Syed Muhammad al Naquib bin Ali al-Attas defined a person of Adab as she who acts "with justice to ensure that everything is in its right and proper place." It is not the right Adab to have our prayer mat thrown to the corner of a room, or our Quran at the back of a shelf, collecting dust. When I sweep my floor, I imagine myself stripping myself off my worldly attachments. When my home is in order, my heart is less cluttered. Plus there are no words to describe the feeling of smelling freshly dried laundry and plonking yourself on clean fluffy sheets after a long day of work.

And here's the thing, guys... I think we should all be cleaners. Because someone who cleans is not just someone who polishes windows and tidies up the room, but the one who cleans is she who values herself enough to always want to be in a state of purity and cleanliness - a state that Allah loves. She who cleans is someone who not only remove grimes and stains, but she also strives to wash away anger, ill-thoughts and judgements off of her heart.

But most importantly, here's the #1 lesson I've learned from cleaning: nothing starts out dirty or becomes rubbish. It's our lack of care, attention and gratitude that has allowed something that used to be so precious to turn into waste. And that could easily be our hearts, our relationships, and of course, our homes, if we do not conscientiously "clean".

So yes, I guess if I no longer can write for a living, I'll clean. And I'll keep on cleaning till I can write again because I'm sure the only reason why I won't be able to write is because I've allowed my heart to accumulate dust of insincerity, stains of sins, and blotches of arrogance.

I pray may we always be diligent "cleaners" so that it will allow us to meet our Lord in the most purified, and dignified state, Amin.

Love always,

Kamis, 11 Mei 2023

Image by Tú Anh from Pixabay

Assalamu'alaikum Ladies,

Today's love letter will be dedicated to my husband, because... well, lately, he's been teaching me a lot of things without him even knowing. And I guess the saying, "you are the average of the 5 people you spend your most time with" is true, as K is the #1 person I hang out with, and he is the biggest influence in my life, whether I like it or not.

Being married to this man has been the biggest catalyst for me to be brave enaough to pursue my purpose, to write, and to serve this awesome Sisterhood that you ladies are in. This quiet, shy man has also been my teacher on many important life lessons, one of which just so happened to be "taught" in our bathroom over the weekend.

So what happened was, K was about to shave his moustache LOL and I jokingly said, "Why are you shaving your moustache? Keep it, I like it!" and without missing a beat he said, "Then you grow one yourself if you like it."

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

I was half-speechless, and half tearing up because I obviously did not expect that from K, and as I tried to oregain my composure to think of a come back, K proceeded to shave his moustache.

I haven't realised it then, but after reflecting on this incident for days (it didn't want to leave my mind 😂), I finally figured out that there's a huge lesson to be learnt from how K replied to my teasing: that because he is so comfortable and firmly rooted in his relationship with himself, he has been unperturbed with other people's false opinions about him and / or their judgements on what he should or should not be doing.

So in the case of me teasing him to "grow his moustache, because I like it" (which for the record, I don't btw), he wasn't the slightest bit swayed by this reasoning because he knows for himself that he doesn't like it on him. He stood by his beliefs.

And this is exactly how I've seen him carry himself firmly throughout our 6+ years of marriage -he has never let anyone's views to influence, affect or distract him from things that he strongly believes in: like his principles, his purpose in life, and his personal matters. When everyone said we should just work normal jobs with our degrees and stop doing this business, he reminded me of our purpose in this world, and cheered me to not give up. Whenever people suggest "quick money-making schemes" for our business or ways to be "more famous", he will just smile and thank them, but in the privacy of our own home would remind me, "never forget our values and principles, Aida. Don't be tempted with these distractions."

This ... is why I envy him. Because he is solid with himself. He keeps his head down, works hard on his own things, and minds his own business. He doesn't worry about competition, he doesn't listen to the gossip-mongers, and he focuses on getting what he wants because it's he himself who wants those things, not because it's what society expects him to want.

Ma Sha Allah.

Another reason why he's always so.... calm, and at peace is because his utmost concern is always just between him and God. Whenever I'm worried about my work, if anyone will like our Classes / Videos / Love Letters - he'll always point out to me to "just do your work for Him. It's always between you and Allah first, and if you focus on that, the rest will follow, In Sha Allah."

Just a few days ago, when a list was given to us of ladies who bought our previous classes on instalment basis but have gone MIA, K again answered, "it's between them and God. We just continue working hard."

Again.... that was another lesson for me. That if someone were to do wrong on us, then trust that Allah is all-Just. We just worry about doing what's right, and what's pleasing to Him, as Allah will always reward us for doing the right things, and He will also be fair in His reckoning.

K also taught me that our primary relationship to take care of should always be between our own selves and Allah. If our priority is to always please Him, to do good for Him, to not be in the way of anyone, to not concern us, then In Sha Allah we will live a very, very peaceful life as our conscience is always clear, and our hearts are always calm.

Come to think about it, K has never panicked in his life, (and then you have me who stresses about a million and one things 😂) and I am eternally grateful that I am able to learn so many things from him, but especially this particular trait of being firm with my principles, to always busy myself with strengthening my relationship with Him, and to mind my own business, which is also one of the most important Sunnahs of Rasulullah SAW as Abu Hurayrah RA narrated that the Messenger of Allah SAW said, "A sign of one's excellence in his Islam, is leaving that which does not concern him." [Ahmad, Malik & At-Tirmidhi]

Before I end today's letter, I just want to say that before any of you start saying I am biased, I will be the first to tell you that I am absolutely aware of K's flaws and weaknesses. But I myself have a long list of mw own, and today... I'd just like to be grateful for the good, and to tell him "thank you". <3

I pray that may we all lead more peaceful, calmer lives - one that is only focused on pleasing our Creator, and not His creations.

Love and prayers always,

Selasa, 31 Agustus 2021

// i wrote this letter for myself but i'm sharing this with the hopes

that it might make anyone else feel a little less alone //

Dear you,

Thank you for trying your best today.

I know how hard it must be, trying to make sense of it all, especially when time is scurrying past you, and every day you get further and further away from where you actually want to be. But you pulled yourself out from hebetude, and you showed up. Even at 8 pm when it was much easier to throw in the towel and say "day's gone anyway", you got up, splashed some water on your face, and you got down to work. So yes, thank you for trying your best today.

Thank you for being your own friend today.

You spend a lot of time on your own. Some nights it gets so quiet and unbearably lonely that you cry yourself to sleep. But within this gentle lull of silence, you realised that you now get to hear your own voice. A voice that has been so desperate to reach out, but have been drowned by the noises and clutter of this world. At first, you resisted and fought against it. But one by one, He sent everyone away so that you could be with the only company you need. And with His grace, you started giving yourself the chance to get to know the only person who will ever be with you in every painful, beautiful, nerve-wrecking, bewildering phases of your life. You also will soon realise how dandy you actually are, but you will also acknowledge the human-ness of your own being: that sometimes you mess up and have no idea what in the heavens you are actually doing with your life. But that's cool - because now you have you. You are your own advocate and you are your own cheerleader and when your roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind. So thank you for anchoring yourself, and for being your own friend today.

Thank you for forgiving today.

There was once you asked, "when will all this pain end?" The hurt swallowed you up like a reckless fire savouring a helpless piece of wood. Today you finally realised the answer; that you choose when the pain ends. While it is easier said than done, you still know in your heart of hearts that you can never heal and move forward if you don't make the decision today to forgive and let go. So thank you for forgiving today - you forgive not because you condone the act or the behaviour, but you forgive so that you stop destroying your own heart.

Thank you for choosing gratitude today.

It is so easy to play the victim and blame everyone and everything when nothing is going your way. It's even easier to compare and complain. But "grass will always be greener where you water it", and you've realised that where you focus your energy on, grows. Which is why you've been counting your blessings - big, tiny, small, epic - all of them, regardless the "size". And this powerful act has changed your world. So thank you for not waiting for "joy" to happen before you choose to be grateful. Thank you for choosing gratitude so that it makes you joyful instead. <3

Thank you for speaking to Him today.

I will leave the conversations you have with Him private, as it should always be, but thank you, for spending a bit of time with the One who loves you most. If you only know how much He misses you when you drift away and get too busy to have these on-on-one conversations with Him. So please don't go too far and chase the mirage of this temporary world and forsake your forever, ok?

Thank you for doing the heartwork today.

The path back to Him is a wonderful one, but some days you can falter and lose your bearings and directions. Not every day will you feel a spiritual connection, let alone a high. Missed prayers, times wasted, bad company - it's a struggle. But heart work is hard work and for every good intention, humble attempt, and sincere seeking of Him, Allah will guide, send help, and reward. Just remember that there is always sweetness in the struggle, so keep striving just like you did today, will you?

Most of all, thank you for choosing you today.

Thank you for getting up today, and choosing to live. Thank you for seizing this temporary gift of life that Allah has bestowed onto you to do something good. Thank you for choosing growth over grief, hope over despair, and trust over contempt. You've been such a warrior because of all the fighting you've done against yourself, but you now know that it's time to finally be your own ally, and I can't wait to see how much your life will completely transform now that you've started choosing yourself. :) So thank you.

My dear, it is my own fault that I don't say this enough, but again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, dear self. I promise to take better care of you and to work hard with you to be on His path, till the day we finally get to return to Him. Amin.

I love you,

SLIDER

"How Do I Get My XXX To Pray?"; 28 July 2020

Selasa, 01 Agustus 2023

Are you "snooze-ing" His reminders?; 24 Desember 2019

Kamis, 25 Mei 2023

If I wasn't a writer, I'd probably be....; 17 Desember 2019

Selasa, 16 Mei 2023

Why I'm Jealous of My Husband; 10 Desember 2019

Kamis, 11 Mei 2023

You; 3 Desember 2019

Selasa, 31 Agustus 2021